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Literature Text
The drought has claimed December's rains,
The earth is parched and bare.
I know you loved to turn above
And feel the heavens there.
The clime is warm; no cloudy storm
Will fall upon this ground.
A snowy quilt will not be spilt,
For heat will still abound.
The carols still will sound so shrill,
Devoid of rythmic bass -
You need guitars to soothe the scars
The cheer leaves in its place.
No gift to give, but you can live
Without such things, I'm sure;
While chocolate's taste I hate to waste,
I'll give you something more.
A simple touch can mean so much,
A feeling we shall miss;
I'll give to you the taste renewed
Of chocolate on my lips.
A metal tune I can't craft soon,
So that will go unplayed;
My heart can beat a drum complete,
So you shan't be dismayed.
And should you chill, I'll help fulfil
Protecting you from harm;
The feeling true I'll give to you,
Of safety in my arms.
And yet the rain won't fall again,
No moisture on the ground.
We'll never dance enthralled, entranced,
While water falls around.
A shower's fall can soothe my pall;
Your last gift lies within;
I'll give to you the morning dew,
Petrichor on my skin.
The earth is parched and bare.
I know you loved to turn above
And feel the heavens there.
The clime is warm; no cloudy storm
Will fall upon this ground.
A snowy quilt will not be spilt,
For heat will still abound.
The carols still will sound so shrill,
Devoid of rythmic bass -
You need guitars to soothe the scars
The cheer leaves in its place.
No gift to give, but you can live
Without such things, I'm sure;
While chocolate's taste I hate to waste,
I'll give you something more.
A simple touch can mean so much,
A feeling we shall miss;
I'll give to you the taste renewed
Of chocolate on my lips.
A metal tune I can't craft soon,
So that will go unplayed;
My heart can beat a drum complete,
So you shan't be dismayed.
And should you chill, I'll help fulfil
Protecting you from harm;
The feeling true I'll give to you,
Of safety in my arms.
And yet the rain won't fall again,
No moisture on the ground.
We'll never dance enthralled, entranced,
While water falls around.
A shower's fall can soothe my pall;
Your last gift lies within;
I'll give to you the morning dew,
Petrichor on my skin.
As this is for a contest, I'd appreciate any and all constructive criticism and suggestions. Throw it all at me, please!
For the Poetry Litmas 2008, Sensing Winter. I used a ballad as my fixed form.
The lines alternate between iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter. The second and fourth lines of each stanza rhyme. The first and third lines do not rhyme with each other, but have internal rhyme.
If there's anything wrong with it, please, please give me suggestions on how to improve it!
Note - the person I wrote this to is a metalhead, so maybe that will clear up any confusion about the third stanza. He'd go mad without metal, and detests Christmas music.
Note 2 - Petrichor is "the name of the scent of rain on dry earth." [link]
Note 3 - thanks to =kiwi-damnation for her edits!
For the Poetry Litmas 2008, Sensing Winter. I used a ballad as my fixed form.
The lines alternate between iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter. The second and fourth lines of each stanza rhyme. The first and third lines do not rhyme with each other, but have internal rhyme.
If there's anything wrong with it, please, please give me suggestions on how to improve it!
Note - the person I wrote this to is a metalhead, so maybe that will clear up any confusion about the third stanza. He'd go mad without metal, and detests Christmas music.
Note 2 - Petrichor is "the name of the scent of rain on dry earth." [link]
Note 3 - thanks to =kiwi-damnation for her edits!
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Comments11
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You have my crit. I love this piece!